Funny Quotes About the Bible

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.

-George Carlin

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Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

-Mark Twain

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The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

-Gilbert K. Chesterton

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The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with.

- Archie Bunker (Carroll O'Connor)

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It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it.

-Kin Hubbard

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More people are troubled by what is plain in Scripture than by what is obscure.

-Roy L. Smith

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If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments-we'd have the Ten Suggestions.

-Sir Malcolm Bradbury

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My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

-Elayne Boosler

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Why do they put the Gideon bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's usually too late?

-Christopher Morley

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The Bible and several other self help or enlightenment books cite the Seven Deadly Sins. They are: pride, greed, lust, envy, wrath, sloth, and gluttony. That pretty much covers everything that we do, that is sinful... or fun for that matter.

-Dave Mustaine